never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
