I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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