did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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