my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
