Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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