Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
