Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
