All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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