Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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