FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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