so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
