i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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