That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
