Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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