I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
