I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
