The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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