I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize