You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
