please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
