"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
