There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
