Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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