Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
