Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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