Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm always down for nudity.
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