Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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