$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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