did you get engaged???
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
