bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
