I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize