i already hear my dad disowning me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
