she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
