I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
