She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
