I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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