yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
