I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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