your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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