Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
