I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
