i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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