just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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