But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
