My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
