If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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