i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
time to smoke my breakfast
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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