last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
