OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
