he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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