my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
