Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
