i just wanna soil my oats bro
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
