fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My balls are so social today.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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