i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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