I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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