Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
