Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize