Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
