this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
