but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
