you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
