He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
