so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
