What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
