I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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