Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
