There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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