hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
