someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
