Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
