So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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