Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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