I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
smell my finger.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
