Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
