FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
