Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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