I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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