This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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