I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
