She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
