This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
