I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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