call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
