i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
