last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
