ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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