Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
