She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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