we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
