I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
