before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
