I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
