I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wanna go halves on a baby?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
