I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
