i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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