My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
