He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
