I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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