In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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