my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
