Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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