Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
