he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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