I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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