I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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